Friday, 18 May 2012
Feeling trapped. Feeling alone.
No one understands. They all think they do, but no one does.
Feeling the insanity close in on me. Feeling it take me down.
Mood swings taking me from angry to depressed. No one knows. No one understands.
Knows that my life is going to end as badly as it began. Knows that it will only get worse.
Yet I cannot end it. Whether this is strength or weakness isn’t clear. But I will see life to the very end.
Then I find a salvation. A sanctuary. A place where they seem to understand.
A place where things start to makes sense.
I belong there. I find myself living for the first time. But insanity always follows me.
I begin to look on. I find myself alone at times. I’m with people, but always alone.
I thought I had found somewhere. But the line is blurring.
What is reality? What is imagination? What is the truth? What are the lies?
I’m finding it hard to tell the difference anymore. The real and fake are the same to me now.
Insanity followed me. I know I will be forced to watch life from the sidelines.
The light in my darkness is getting dimmer. The faint hope is almost gone.
Nothing will save me. Nothing will help me. The best I can do is meaningless.
Knowing that whatever I try will fail. Knowing whatever I do will not help.
Knowing is the worst thing. Sometimes I ignore it, hoping for the best.
But it will always be.